DAY 30 | Dumb on purpose #1 (people)

“Why would anyone think of quitting weed? If you see me, ask him.”
-someone high

facing-addiction-dumb-on-purpose-1When I get high all the time, I can’t seem to stay on top of that many things. Even the most carefully plotted schedules end up completely overlooked. I tend to drift through days, weeks, and months, hoping for reminders when important appointments arise or assignments are due.

I guess smart phones help when I make myself dumb; but I still never quite break even.

An old friend and I had agreed to catch up one night. Unfortunately, I got high every night that week and totally forgot. I ended up smoking right before he called.

I felt like I was all over the place during our conversation—zany, giggly, nervous, paranoid, dumb…

Have you ever experienced a specific type of paranoia that sets in when you try to engage in certain conversations high?

After talking with my friend that night, I smoked a little more and wrote:

“Weed sometimes makes me feel dumb when I have to communicate with certain people.

“That’s ironic, though, because addiction usually makes me feel the opposite way: like I can’t think as clearly when I’m straight.”

Another time, I got high and wrote:

“Being addicted, I feel much dumber when I’m not high.”

When I use weed addictively, high ideas seem to snap themselves together on different levels simultaneously; but then the high goes away, and thinking feels like lugging weights up a hill.

I miss being able to think, stay on top of things, talk to people…

Why choose to be dumber than I am?

Can seeing the effects of a series of dumb choices ever motivate smarter ones?

Tomorrow: why even the strongest of motivations might not be enough.

P.S. I later got high and wrote:

“Another way addiction causes me to make myself dumber in relationships is I end up putting myself in the most uncomfortable social scenarios imaginable, like being really high at work or around relatives.”

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Intro, DAY 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, Afterword


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