To what extent do you agree with this statement: “You can never know a person or their secrets”?

You can know a person enough.

You don’t have to trust anyone. In fact, trust isn’t really a choice—it must be earned to exist; and this happens by degrees.

You meet someone, you start to get to know them, you see where you connect, you share along those lines, trust grows, and your lines of connection naturally expand.

When it comes to making any kind of commitment to someone you’re building trust with, there’s no point being dishonest about what you want from the relationship.

But what about where the two of you don’t and can’t connect?

What if you’re interested in something the other wants nothing to do with, or maybe even has a negative opinion of?

Here’s a hypothetical: Jay and Gray both love sports and comedy shows. They have similar ideas about where they want to live, how many kids they want, etc. They love talking and connecting. Their lines of trust expand, and they eventually get married.

But then some time goes by, the world changes a little, and Gray discovers ayahuasca ceremonies, which she begins to consider incredibly beneficial.

Jay has no interest in ayahuasca, and sees such pursuits as dumb and possibly dangerous.

For the sake of this hypothetical, let’s say Jay’s concerns are invalid—just ignorant assumptions.

Would Gray necessarily have to share with Jay about her ayahuasca interests and activities if she knows it will only cause him needless worry?

They still connect the same way when it comes to sports, comedy, their home, etc.

Should young adults feel obligated to talk with their parents about favorite sexual activities?

We’re all many things at once; and no individual is ultimately responsible for anyone else.

So earn trust, communicate true wants and values, and then connect with whoever you connect with however you can.

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