Why aren’t I confident?

Confidence comes from self-esteem and self-efficacy.


Low self-esteem shows up as thoughts like:

Everyone’s about to see I’m not _____________ enough. Could I be any uglier, more clueless or awkward, worse to look at or listen to…?

Be careful when you come face to face with things you don’t like about yourself.

You can’t build self-esteem by fighting to change who you are (or by giving up). Rather, self-esteem comes from owning and learning to work with every important aspect of your being, even your worst limitations and tendencies.


Someone with low self-efficacy might think:

I hate what I have to do; it’s so boring and pointless. It feels unnatural. It’s a dead-end. I’ll never be that good, anyway, so why try? I might as well quit.

But be careful how you interpret such feelings.

Perhaps intuition is trying to tell you you’re going in a wrong direction.

“You may find out that your self-doubt means nothing was ever there. You can’t go forcing something if it’s just not right.”
 -Green Day

Or, your feelings of self-doubt might simply be a desire for safety, certainty, and predictability overwhelming a quieter desire for change and success.

I’d recommend Seth Godin’s book, The Dip, in which he likens pursuits to either cul-de-sacs or dips.

Cul-de-sacs are distractions you love to occupy your attention with so you can hide from the difficulty of progress.

Dips on the other hand are the harsh realities of exactly what it will take to master the one thing you could potentially be the best in the world at.


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